The world inside of me - "Antaraatma"

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The world is different from everyone's perspective. One may see the world as liberating; one sees revolution; one sees destruction; while one sees happiness. The change in the outside world inevitably affects one's inner self. The fact that one's inner self is something that's so easily amendable makes one think what the inner world really is. 


But the fact is I can't tell you that. Neither can anyone else. It's just something that exists within everyone, it lies dormant within you, consumes you when you're negative, lifts you up when you're positive. The inner world is something that reflects off of you. 


Back in the day, I was a huge anime fan, an otaku. There used to be this anime, called Bleach. In that, there is a certain group of characters called Soul Reapers who perform soul-cleansing if there are any souls that fail to pass on to the next world. Their swords are called the "Zampaktou" and each of these swords has a different power within them which can be unlocked through various methods. The Protagonist's sword (Zangetsu) lives within Ichigo and Zangetsu claims that the world is much clearer and beautiful in case Ichigo has no foggy thoughts. 

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In a way, I feel that is very much relative to our real "Inner self" or "Antaraatma" as I'd like to call mine. It's a fantasy world where I go to whenever I have a decision to make or a situation to be analyzed. This can be different for each person. If we consider Sherlock from the TV series, we realize that his "Mind Palace", the very reason for his powerful memory is, in fact, an inner world that he had constructed for himself. He has associated a place that he knows all to well and allocates each memory thread to a place within the entire "building". He knows if he goes to the right room and finds the right cupboard and the right drawer, he can reach out to the right memory thread.

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Now, I can't even exactly claim that the inner world associates with a "place" of sorts. It could be something that simply one is comfortable with. A concept that you know in and out could help you with almost anything. For example, Dr. Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory has an eidetic memory. it doesn't essentially mean that his brain has an infinite amount of space to store each and every person and can easily find it as soon as he needs something. He associates and correlates most things that happen in his life to something that he is comfortable with. Even his best friends were associated with characters from the series Star Trek to simplify his life and increase the efficiency of thinking.

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My "Antaraatma" is the place I run my simulations. It's basically how I assess any situation. There's a famous theory in the astrophysics world that claims that the universe we live in is a simulation run by God. Of course, I am not a God, so my simulations are restricted to me. I've been praised for most of my life that I have amazing critical thinking skills. I give credit to the Antaraatma for this. Every time a challenge is thrown my way, or I come across a crossroad with multiple waypoints and I'm forced to choose one, I do this. I go to my Antaraatma, I live at that moment. I check out the perspective if I was in that situation. I would understand what I'd do, does it lead to more crossroads? Or does it help me resolve the issue at hand? If it does, then am I happy with that resolution? If not, what else can I do? My thought process goes on...


Further the point in future I'm looking for, the longer I dwell within my Antaraatma. I portray "The world inside of me" to be what the "Inner world" or "inner self" is. To me, it's the fictional world where I run semi-accurate, hypothetical simulations.

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My inner world

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The world inside of me is very unique.
Most days it tells me what to do and what not do, the other days it’s just moody and wants to be like an introvert child and not do anything or move at all.
It’s a like a world of its own with different behaviours and beings! My smart brain tells me the fastest way to solve sudoku puzzles, my sense organs keep me aware of my surroundings. My heart and stomach are the ruler or leaders of the world inside me. One leader is always making sure I get yummy food to eat and will growl if I don’t get nutrients on time.
My heart is a true leader and forces me to follow it and helps me be aware of my conscious and tells me to do the right thing. My heart fills my stomach with butterflies when I meet beautiful people or see pretty skies and trees. 
Other interesting being in my inner world are my muscles, they hate taking rest and make sure I am always on the go and that’s is why I love them, some muscles love talking and expressing my inner world to the other world, the other muscles help me run around! One of the most essential part of my inner world is this beautiful liquid as the outer world will call it ‘blood’! In my inner world I call it red slime! This red slime keep all the other members of the inner world healthy, safe and active! Sometimes when in the outer world I do something silly and get a bruise this silly slime comes out and makes sure I am not alone! Red slime is sometimes cute sometimes annoying. Annoying on the days when it gives me more pain when it wants to meet the outer world every month for six continuous days! 
My brain muscles sometimes get tired as they are the manager of the inner world and shows it to my outer world in the from of a neutral colour liquid or how outer world call it ‘tears’.
These muscles sometimes get anxious and set off an alarm but the other members are nice and helpful and will make sure they are present for their manager or brain muscles.

To conclude this inner world it’s very beautiful and cute, will always make sure to be their when you need help in the outer world 
Will never give up on your version of the outer world and loves you no matter what 

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The World Inside Me!

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I came across this quote recently, " Every once in a while you get a glimpse of the person you could be. Grab that. Hold on to that. Work for it. Nothing is out of reach.
In the past few months, the world inside me has traveled through the darkest of times and now starting to see the tiny lights which will eventually just shine brighter. We all have a world inside of us which is open to see for some and very private to others. We all have our stories, events, and people who have made us become what we are today.  The way we harness those events and shape the world that will make us comfortable is what speaks about our strength and growth.
When my world was traveling at the speed of light into a world that was dark and unknown to me, my passion for art slowed me down. I was able to interpret the new world in the way I saw and felt it but was scared to acknowledge them. Eventually, I realized that, fearing the new world will only make it worse. I started acknowledging the feelings I felt, space and energy I was in and tried to find the tiny voice which would make me feel myself again. I started sketching and began to realize what I felt and portrayed spoke to people in their own way. It's a beautiful feeling to connect with a stranger on a thought that meant so much to me.

We all have a passion inside of us. We either shut it away because society thinks it's not important or we are too busy to listen to it. The world inside is not just a 9-5 job and we all know that. The things we used to enjoy doing as kids have remained as memories. I believe, if we find the right balance (which we all can) to manage the work that keeps our pockets happy and the passion which will keep our soul happy, we will have every day and not need one single day to celebrate who we are!

After all, the world inside us is like the universe. Curled up. We just have to find our stars!

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I’m a return on investment, not a refund!

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An insight to when life gives you lemons, you mix it with vodka soda and give it a complete plot twist.

The World Inside of Me

It’s a chaos around me, life is taking over and it’s an absolute mess. This chaos around me has driven me to a state that seemed far from achieving; Zen, within me. 

It didn’t come easy, and that’s an understatement.

I was screaming, screeching, thumping my palms on these walls; walls that I had built all around me.  Walls of self-loath, self-destruction. All results of a self-esteem, so broken.
I kept my pain hidden, well clothed in layers of denial and distress. 

Until one day, it refused to stay in that cocoon. It undressed itself, and brought itself up to my eyes; flowing in its own direction, at its own density.  

When storms come, they don’t notify you before hitting you with a force that dismantles you. Life is a series of these storms. Just when I had thought I had reached a life of perfection, after my juvenile struggles, it all came down, slow and steady.

A perfect life is a myth. A year earlier, I was in a bubble of perfection. I had, a romantic angle to perfection, a job that fuelled my idea of perfection, a flock of people around me hailing to me like I’m royalty to perfection. 

This year, has been a complete turn around. Things end, people run away, you can hit your lowest. Initially a phase like this gifts you bitterness in bulk, but the true worth of it all is abundant love. Love for yourself, which comes in a package deal with a gallon of salty tears, a dozen of prickly taunts directed to self, and a whole lot of warm hugs from those who you can proudly call your tribe, your home and at home we are all always at rest.
The feel of being at rest, this inertia, comes at a cost. This cost is paid by meeting yourself at a point of congruency, where you accept what it is, let go of what it could be, and focus on what will be your it would be.

To gather oneself, is hard; it’s constant process of falling apart, picking up your tiny pieces, fixing yourself a little every day. I have and am in the process of doing that on a daily basis, fighting my inner demons and loving myself a little more each day.

I would give the example from a seedling to a plant but since I am a pure commerce student, it’s only fair to bring that in here to explain the essence of what my struggle from this phase has culminated with:

  • I’m a return on investment, not a refund

My belief in myself has reached a new high, a place from where there’s a lot to look down at and remind myself of the consistency of plight and the blessing of this flight. Almighty has brought himself within me, helping me in all there is. I am free of the shackles my own walls, they will come back but now I do know that I will come back too, only stronger. It’s all about upgrading yourself to meet examples of the people you idolise, to be able to see yourself as a probable model of strength someday of not today.

The power we look for, in things, places and people is all within us, a lesson spoken of, practiced minimally. I urge myself to practice what I preach no matter the difficulty. The temptation to give up cannot and will not supersede the the restrain of keeping up to my word of not letting myself down.
“I will not let myself down, I’m a powerful woman”
Repeat it like a mantra and you’ll hit peace like it’s been in you since forever.

Now that’s something each of us should drink to.

Cheers,

Adya Pathak (some day I will be known as linguisticladki) 

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"I feel a thousand capacities spring up in me. I am arch, gay, languid, melancholy by turns. I am rooted, but I flow.” Virginia Woolf

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Just when life seemed to sail smoothly, my subconscious had a meltdown. It seemed like everything was falling apart and that nothing can fix this distressful feeling which possessed my heart and mind. All my beliefs, memories, skills and everything that I have done and seen in this entire 28 years on this planet had become a huge ball of mess. Is this what quilt feels like or is it just a feeling that an unheard voice feels like.

The turmoil in me does not seem to end and the restlessness became more evident with each passing day. Suppressing feelings had become a part of my daily routine and this became more natural as I grew older. The younger version of me had to hide the feelings for someone she loved, something she desired for, something she wished for, something unapproachable and someone she craved and yearned for. All these just balled up in a small bundle of chaos and eventually chaos had become a friend of mine. And the older version of me leisurely started to learn to direct these emotions in a positive direction and began to arrange the chaos in me and unravel myself.

I used to worry about everything that occurred in my life, situations which seemed normal and basic, I complicated and tangled them up. I worried about every tiny incident, I worried about how my life would mould eventually. I worried about letting my guard down and let myself be vulnerable towards one individual. I thought I didn’t deserve to be happy and that I deserved to be alone and insignificant. I was accustomed to feel these sentiments until I met someone who lightened up the dark rooms inside of me. Without really knowing I changed and it felt enigmatic. He taught me how to be an optimist and how to dismiss these pessimistic thoughts and how to focus all such energy to create something worthwhile and beautiful. He made my heart a better place to reside in, he made me realise that it is ok to get lost sometimes, as long as I find my way back. He encouraged me to be a better person and made me believe in myself again. And like Virginia Woolf said in The Waves “I feel a thousand capacities spring up in me. I am arch, gay, languid, melancholy by turns. I am rooted, but I flow.” And he believed that in me and I could see what he meant by that.

Despite having a wonderful man beside me to guide me towards the light, I sometimes choose to be aloof and love to wander on my own and that is something that even he encourages me to do to keep the relationship intact and sane. I could always relate to the lady herself Virginia Woolf from the book The Waves, “I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me.” And that’s what happens to me each time I meet a stranger who turns into an acquittance and then a friend. That’s the beauty of being in this beautiful world where everyone is opinionated in their own way about an individual but I have made my peace with my heart to let go and have an assertive behaviour towards anything which crosses my path and take each day at a time and relish the moment. As we say “this too shall pass”.

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The World Inside of Miss Mediocre Hypocritta

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-As women from relatively conservative households, some of us have to weave multiple stories to cover-up the secret life we live with our friends. This includes letting loose on the occasional ladies night, downing a few shots and having drunk sleepovers. -However, narrative of mainstream partying and its marketing online is largely problematic, as it objectifies women and capitalises on women's inebriation to drive sales among men. -As someone who was previously in the said marketing field, and a ladies night enthusiast- there was a conflict within me- er, Ms Mediocre Hypocritta.-This piece unveils a bit of hypocrisy, and is an attempt to call out problematic, misogynistic marketing, with the end goal of making the world a safer place for women.

A dress that matched the colour of her painted lips- blood red, they're both matte. Her hair is straightened but curled, her cleavage, covered up but exposed- she liked to be modest, but she also wanted good pictures. She slips into her fancy stockings to cover up hastily shaved legs (and mostly her insecurities). As for the final touch, she puts on her largest pair of sweat pants and the roomiest hoodie.

"It's just pizza and a movie. Only girls- I promise!"
"I'll call you when I reach and before I fall asleep and once before I leave for home tomorrow!" she adds hastily for the 19th time.
Her father says, "I trust you. I just don't trust the world."
"Yeah."
"Have fun."

She was to have the sleepover alright, but it would of course be in a state of drunken stupor after a night of dancing at the “Ladies Night.” A drunken stupor that would end with her equally drunk friends dragging each other into the house and passing out, but Appa didn't need to know that. Anyway, with such intricate cover ups, she zoomed in to party 'til she dropped!

Come Monday, she rode to work. The gushing years of youth rinsing her of all hangovers and aches, new ideas running through her head to market big brands and big names and cater to the right audience- in other words, her work was to make the rich, richer (also interesting to note is how her social media posts actively hated on the privileged and called out sexist, racist, homophobic, capitalist pigs).
 

There wasn't much to do, really. She knew the selling point: Women. Women clad in scanty outfits, the fun party sweat mixed with make up making their skin shine, drinks in hand, laughing lazy laughs, or dancing half drunk. It was either usually large groups of women by themselves or multiple women with one or two men (the females always, always out-numbered the males). There was also a formula: these flashy pictures foregrounded "Book now, the hype is real!"

Compact lines to create FOMO, to manipulate the masses of men into partying. They played with one's insecurities of not making Saturday nights "happening" enough. Of being single and forever alone (of dying virgins!) Especially on a Friday night. Now, why would one not want to be brushing shoulders with attractive, intoxicated women who apparently totally enjoy having said shoulders brushed?

Traffic generated, posts liked, commented on, shared, passes booked. People definitely wanted to party all the time. Or not. 

If her job was done well enough, a "happening" pub in town would see a large turn up of many, many men who paid to enter. They come to watch the DJ play, sure. But she knew, as much as we do, that they mostly come in anticipation of the women promised to brush shoulders with them. Drink and dance with them, probably go home with them. The women on the shiny ads that smiled manipulatively enough for them to book passes so as to not be alone on a Saturday night.

The women are there of course. The women who are admitted for free and poured free drinks. The women who receive special treatment because them being there, and them being there intoxicated, is good for business.

Yes, it’s the same women who dance in large, tight groups so strange men don't grind against their behinds. The women who give out fake phone numbers because the entitled, nice guy is too persistent. The woman who hides with her friends in the bathroom because the creep at the bar stares at her no matter what she does or what she wears. The woman who is supposed to be on innocent sleepovers with her girlfriends, the woman who hides nice little red dresses underneath big hoodies, the woman whose parents' trust her, but don’t trust the world.

"Women are easier on the eyes. Yes, I know it is sexist, but women are good for business."

Her feminist opinions are shrill. They bore her colleagues and friends. Nonetheless, she gets her mediocrely fat paycheck, and with such not so intricate cover-ups, Miss Mediocre was ready to party 'til she dropped!

plyForward

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The world inside of me, -outside

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I will be the best I can be and I will not never stop striving.

When I look at my life it is nothing of what I thought it would be, a lot of what I wished for it to be and a lot better than I could have ever asked for. Everything seems hunky-dory superficially, while mostly everything is, but there is also a lot that is unsaid and unexpressed and most definitely unnoticed. 

My day starts at 5 in the morning with no room to snooze and laze around. I have to get the ground running while donning several roles that I play and making sure that I do not leave the “me” which is unrelated to any of the roles out and I find that satisfaction and solace in front end development.

I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother and a friend and in order to be present for all of that in the best way I could be I need to be the “Super capable” front end developer. It is absolutely underrated if I said that I love my job. I definitely couldn’t have ever imagined that I would be in a situation where work doesn’t feel like work, instead it is something I escape to. It is something I look forward to every morning, it is one of my hobbies and it is one my outlets. It helps me create something that helps people in their everyday lives, it helps me make a comfortable living while giving me the flexibility to spend time with my family, it is something that nourishes my mind and soul. I love learning new things always and that is something that I would never want to stop and at this job I get to do that every day. I get to show my creativity in the way I code, voice my opinions to an audience that wants to listen to what I have to say. It is a job that gives me the appreciation and the satisfaction that I deserve and need so that I can continue to be the best I can in every other aspect of my life. At the risk of sounding like a nerd I cannot think of a better job and work to do than Front end development. I wake up with excitement to see what the day holds for me, what new challenges I will be faced with that I can tackle by the horns and the smell and taste of coffee gives me the buzz that I need to be productive and amazing at my job. The saying “Do what you love and you will never work” is what I feel about my job and about being a front end developer. I am fortunate to have found this line of work which completes me and makes a better person for it. And that’s how I find the world inside of me translating itself into the world outside.

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Finding La La Land

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I feel like Christopher Columbus without the ship, the trendy clothes, the army of voyagers or even a map! On this quest for La La Land, I wade through stormy seas and calm waters alike with my tiny wooden boat with oars that feel heavier than Thor's hammer. The journey to reach the promised La La Land is a long and arduous one. Find out what makes the journey worth it!

I feel like Christopher Columbus without the ship, the trendy clothes, the army of voyagers or even a map! On this quest for La La Land, I wade through stormy seas and calm waters alike with my tiny wooden boat with oars that feel heavier than Thor's hammer. The journey to reach the promised La La Land is a long and arduous one. On days when the skies are gloomy and my arms feel numb from the rowing, I find myself wondering if the journey is futile - especially to find a place that might not even exist!

It doesn't help that Sadness comes in giant waves that threaten to rock the boat and sometimes even cause it to capsize. Anxiety too makes an appearance every now and then in the form of eye-patch wearing pirates. They come to steal the one thing that I'm trying so hard to safegaurd - my mental peace. But through it all, it becomes imperative to remain resilient.

When you don't even have sails on your boat that could take you in the direction that the wind guides you, you realise that it is up to you to steer the boat in the direction you wish to. Sometimes I bump into Sadness and Anxiety, but I've learnt how to right the boat and keep rowing. Sometimes I find the islands of Calm & Composed and believe me when I say nothing quite compares. I accidentally sail through the Strait of Success too and while I'm there I enjoy every moment of it because before you know it, you land up in the Murkiest Sea, where it is a struggle to stay afloat.

But if you manage to row through the fog and challenging weather conditions, there is a lovely stretch of sea right beyond the Murkiest Sea called the Bay of Bliss. It is characterised by sunny skies and sky blue seas. Dolphins porpoise around you while schools of fish follow you and it is then that it dawns on you that you're not alone. The journey need not be a loneley one. The people I have met on my voyages to this almost mystical land have constantly taught me more about myself. The only ones I look to actively avoid are from the Archipelago of Apathy, they're so unaffected and unconcerned by anything, something I can't wrap my head around.

I've seen that the Mountains of Misery and the Valleys of Vices are many but the Hills of Happiness and Plains of Pleasure are equally widespread. It is pivotal not to be too taken in by any of these landforms, neither should one be intimidated. I remember seeing the Mountains of Misery and being frightened to sail through the Valley of Vices. I inched towards the foreboding mountains, fear looming large over me, only to find that I quite enjoyed sailing through the Valley of Vices. I met people who thought very differently from me and it opened my mind to a fresh perspective on life and living.

It has been almost 27 years that I have tried to discover La La Land. I'm still not sure if it exists but even now when I think about it, it leaves me with a sense of wonder. I am banking on my oars - Hope and Hardwork - to take me there. I've also decided that I'm going to lock up my once faithful companion, Self Doubt, and trust my own instinct. Maybe the next time I run into pirates, I'll offer Self Doubt to be their slave. As I set out to make my nth attempt to find La La Land, I know that my inner world is as complex as it is charming but if La La Land exists, I will find it.

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Inside the world of a mellow writer

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The world inside me is so new to me. I would have given you a proper tour if only I knew this labyrinth of dreams and wishes myself. I am yet to explore it in its entirety but I have walked on a few paths, been at some cross roads that led me to a discovery of a new piece of me. I am familiar with those and so I would let you peek into those corners of my world.

The world inside me is so new to me. I would have given you a proper tour if only I knew this labyrinth of dreams and wishes myself. I am yet to explore it in its entirety but I have walked on a few paths, been at some cross roads that led me to a discovery of a new piece of me. I am familiar with those and so I would let you peek into those corners of my world. One day while taking the road called ‘Higher Education’, I stumbled upon quite severely to which the guide known as ‘Professor’ declared me as a dim-witted lady. Lost in despair and hopelessness, my ultimate cheer leader, my mother asked me to get battle ready as I was now standing on the battle ground of life. She asked me to armour myself with my dreams and wield a sword of unbreakable will. I did so. And what a war was that. The guide finally came down and declared me as the winner. All this while, my sword shonewith pride by my side.

I would like to share a secret with you here. This sword of unbreakable will draws more power with each fight. It’s amazing to see how strong it becomes with each war. You don’t trust me right? Try it once. I guarantee you will not regret it. 

But then again I remember there was one fight where I had to put down my sword and my armour. I remember that path really well as it was pitch black. The flickering blub above the road sign make the name visible. Heartbreak. It was a scary road and until I walked on it, I honestly didn’t know it existed in my beautiful world which was so full of love. That road seemed endless and somehow it always was chilly. It was so cold that sometimes I used to shudder at night. That walk took a while and finally I arrived at a junction of three roads. There were ‘Revenge’, ‘Let go’ and ‘Hold on.’ Hold on seemed more tempting to me than Revenge, but there was a whiff of air from the direction of Let go that gave my feverish body and soul some warmth. As I steadily moved towards it, the air felt peaceful. At the end of the road, I found a coin with ‘Compassion’ and ‘Self-worth’ written on each side. It has earned a permanent place in my backpack and I take a look at it time to time.

Today, I am on a different path and it doesn’t have a label yet. It is not levelled with tar or concrete thus it is not as smooth as I would like it to be sometimes but I still have my sword of unbreakable will in my backpack and my dreams as my fighter suit. Also, I want to mention here that this world inside of me is as ever growing as the universe with corners unexplored. What you saw is just a tiny glimpse of it.

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The World Inside Me

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What the world inside me looks like

In the first phases of adulting, the world crumbled for me. Most days the head that constituted my world was a rally where every participant had a speakerphone and yelled on top of their voices. My head was an asylum where all the voices stayed and waged wars in the name of sanity. They all lived but no one paid the rent or for the damages. 

One day when the voices didn’t shut up, a sane whisper, a voice so feeble among the screams went deep inside the caverns of my universe to consult a little girl. Like a prophecy, this girl was going to cleanse me, revive me and bring back my sanity. And she did. She built an army and believe me when I say when they came to save me — it was a sight to behold. 

Bruised and worn out I lay crumbled on the ground, with voices pinning me down, unable to move. In the darkness, a light reached out and like a scene out of a movie I saw them. The army that had come to save me. I recognised the first face I saw, it was Emma Harte or the face I associated with Emma — a fictional character from the first real book I read. Slowly and steadily I saw faces of more women, women I had looked up to since I was a kid. There were writers, directors, favourite characters, goddesses— all women walking towards me, making a protective circle around me and with each face I remembered their virtues that I fell in love with, their strength, character, courage, talent, things I saw in them that I wanted in me. 

My eyes had stopped crying and with their encouraging smiles I had managed to sit up and that was when the circle parted. Walking right behind my ferocious, angry Goddess Kali was Durga. My Durga, the protagonist from the first story I wrote. A woman I created in my head, a woman I loved. She stretched out her hand, pulled me up and pressing her forehead against mine she whispered — ‘Let’s Do This’.

Through gripping anxiety attacks, voices and bad days, I survive with my circle — the women in my head save me. This circle shows up to help me fight my battles, reminding me of all things beautiful, and sharing their strength and courage with me. The characters in my head save me and with them, I possess a beautiful world inside of me. 

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We forget how far we’ve come in the journey of life; a conversation with myself.

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Your thoughts are your own. When they move in a direction that you don’t want them to, gently recognize that they drifted on an unwanted path, and bring them back into balance. Focus on what you want to think, and where your thinking is required. We need to think about our lives to make it better. We need to think before acting upon a certain decision. We need to think after we’ve overcome certain obstacles. We need to think all the time. However, what we think and why we think is the key to a happy, productive and evolving life.

My life is my own to live, and I have a right to make my own decisions and mistakes. Every aspect of my life is important. How I take care of myself to how I spend my money, these are my decisions to make. Small decisions have the same amount of power as big decisions. Choosing what to wear requires thinking, planning and decision-making. Taking up a career or a job requires thinking, planning and decision-making. Take those small decisions in life with determination. It will give you strength to make the bigger decisions in life with boldness and courage. Don’t feel bad when you do things for yourself. Only for yourself. While being useful for others will help you survive, but you need to value yourself first to be useful for anybody else. You owe it to yourself to value you, nourish you, love you.

What are the small decisions I made today?

  • I decided to create better emotional and physical boundaries
  • I decided to be more emphatic towards people as I understand that everyone is fighting their own battles and neither has to compared with one another
  • I decided to choose the career I want to be associated with and denying the one that is in the spotlight currently
  • I decided to wear clothes that project who I really am and not something that is trendy so that people will like it
  • I decided to make myself a priority by listening to what my body needs. It needs water, food, wave of fresh air and exercise to keep going.

Life is tough. It will challenge and test you. But you need to think how you can continually improve it. There are thousands of permutations and combinations that you can apply in your life to achieve success. Slow down a little bit and really think about all the things that matter. Because you will realise that there are very few things that really matter. The rest is noise in the background. Slowly, declutter the excess and feel your essence. Your soul wakes up everyday so that it can fulfill its purpose, don’t ignore its calling.

There are a lot of learnings in your journey of life. Don’t think about other people and depress yourself, think about all the qualities that you have. How can you use these same set of skills more efficiently? How can you evolve at a much faster rate? How can you understand yourself better so that you can achieve your goals?

I love evolving, and through my journey of transformation, I want others to realise their own. I want people to appreciate themselves and value themselves more. Not become egotistical about their qualities and talents, but to really understand what they’re good at. To help themselves to become what they truly came here to be.

The best way to begin is to trust your intuition.

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Bondage

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Don't let your self in bondage leave free, free your self with the surrounding and enjoy the person within you.

Bonding that we all share weather its between friends family love or with someone else is just became a need, a need that which is not of society but of ourselves a need that we can left and sometimes that we can’t even bear but instead of letting it or go or let it with be you we all are somehow lost form ourselves we are distracted from being I we are running towards us without an I what the means of living life for us when there is no I means you have nothing of yourselves so why and for whom we are living the lives for gadget for virtual friends or for some approximately 10 people around which our life is revolving ever imagine a life without those 10 people . No because we the people who think of bing smart and intellectual intelligent or etc are lost somewhere in someone’s other world which may be going to change in near future because as time changes nature not like environment but vise a versa human.

The thought is we just need to find who the hell the real us are… …

Conclusion – live your own life irrespective of people and others personality remove the bondage just live like who you are

Oshinsam

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The Woman Inside of Me

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My blog emphasises on power of woman who continues to thrive despite of being offered many difficulties in her life. There are millions of setbacks she goes through yet walks with a smile and pride. A woman is an epitome of resilience and no matter how many roadblocks she encounters on her journey of life, she will succeed, she will grow.

Sometimes peaceful, sometimes chaos, sometimes strengthened, sometimes flawed..The inner me is a place of extreme havoc; arised out of plethora of experiences, life lessons and learning where predicaments is a daily ritual and dilemmas, a mundane task. Yes, I'm fighting many battles together, I'm living a messed up life, but with my chin up and a sense of rigour that tells me everyday, "You will sort it out. My inner voice shouts out saying that nothing can break you, not now and not even in future, for you stand strong and have your own back, you have the potential to come out of this disgraced situation and you have the guts to fight your mental demons; for this is not the first time that you have failed and fallen but it is these multiple times that you will rise and fight back. Till the time you are breathing is the time till when you will sustain and continue to thrive; until this time, you were looking for sympathy from outside, but now you have developed empathy within to direct the people who encounter the same situations daily; for you are the emperor and you are the spirit, you are the warrior and you are the creator of the world you want to live in, so strive daily to make it a happier one!

There have been days of intense toleration and of intense gratification as well. All these things have made me beautiful and enhanced my immunity. Yet I have to continue to grow and survive. Because life is not meant to look behind but march forward. The troubles I have faced have enlightened my soul and awakened my spirit, it has made my life hell and even heaven at times, I owe a lot to the power of karma and to the power of secret, which has helped composed myself for my betterment. Inner me is a lava ready to burst into volcanic eruption but is stabilised by the natural forces and magical Universe, whose only goal is to see me keep going, now and forever.

The inner me doesn’t sweat it anymore for anybody. It believes that love, respect and care is worth giving only when its mutual efforts, one-sided loyalty only hurts you, bit by bit, daily, until you lose it all. It knows that being last on somebody’s priority list itself means that you are not their priority, it won’t wait for anybody’s mercy or acknowledgement, rather create it internally; for self-worth, self-respect and dignity are its prime jewels. It’s on the journey to self-love and soul decoration and denies seeking shelter under anyone who denies providing her that. It’s on a journey of exploration and healing; healing for oneself, so that even others facing the similar misfortune will be healed one day by her.

The world inside me is a place of immense happiness and peace and I’m yet to find it, for so long I have been looking for it externally. I have had plentiful of self-realizations and they whisper into my ears everytime: Your future self is rooting for you, don’t you dare give up!

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The world inside of me!

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Deepika Padukone, Sania Mirza, Indira Gandhi and many more.

"There is no tool for development more effective than the empowerment of women" ~Koffi Annan

We all must have heard the above mentioned names very often. These personalities have acheived a lot in their respective fields and have broken the shackles of the gender stereotypes. However, have anyone of us noticed our mother's, our neighborhood aunt, or any other women who strives everyday to achieve her goal and dreams of breaking the glass window? I think we usually fail to celebrate those common women who are not so common today, the women who are facing the atrocities of life, struggling to balance their work and home everyday with a smile on their face. 

50% of the women in the world are making up for most the economic and political development yet there are innumerable instances where women is forced to stay inside those confined barriers and are not allowed to make their individual choices. Driven by the prejudices, stereotypes, and mindsets of the so called 'patriarchal society', women are still deprived of their potential; rights. 

Every morning she wakes up and rushes through those household chores, settles all payments, aligns those indents, irons the clothes of the entire family and drives to her son's school. After fulfilling all her commitments she sets out for her conference. She engulfs an entire world inside her. 

Here I remember some lines of my poem 'A firece scorn' 

"That day when those cruel hands, 

Choked my voice, 

Tears froze in my heart, 

When I rebelled with a fierce scorn, 

That day I became a women." 

These lines make me realise that this world isn't easy for a woman, freedom doesn't come without a cost for a women. There are several women who have had to give up their share of happiness and love to get that small ray of hope, there are several women who have left behind the adornments of being a daughter, a sister, a mother, or a wife to fulfill her dream. 

Amidst these dark realities, women have made us proud by standing out in all their endeavours. The world is now progressing towards an environment which is pouring out innumerable opportunities which can enable a women to reach out to the impossible. 

A women has no limits, a women can dream and scale any height that she wants to. 

"Above all, believe in your life, not the victim" ~Nora Ephron.

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Free Again

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Yes, I love writing, I always have. When I was in 6th standard, I wrote my first poem. When I was in the 10th standard, my first novel. I got my first story published when I was in 12th standard and then suddenly, everything was gone. It disappeared. Like it never existed.

Sometimes, you can change in a moment and a sleepless night is all it takes to find you.

Sometimes you have to work very hard to achieve your dreams, you have to let go of your sleep. But if you think on the contrary, when you are really excited about something, you don’t feel like sleeping anyway. You are just too excited about it.

If you have an actual dream which you can see with your open eyes, something which you want to do with the depths of your heart, then you are always all-time excited about it. You forget your sleep, your food, your everything for that one dream. It makes you forget everything and you just and only focus on that one thing.

Well, I am 27 years old and my parents are forcing me to get married or crack an exam so that I can get a Government Job. And they always tell me that if you focus on one thing, then you can actually achieve that goal, no matter what. But I keep finding all the excuses to delay myself from studying for the exam.

It’s not that I don’t study, I Do, but I don’t give my 100% and even I can feel that. When my alarm rings off at 6.29 AM every morning, I wake up, hit the off button and go to sleep almost immediately. I don’t even think for 2 seconds to wake up and start studying. I immediately go back to my quilt and a warm bed and a night of blissful sleep.

Come to think of it, If I focus, I can actually crack the exam but I don’t give my full attention to the task, I don’t put my hard work into it.

And right now, here I am writing this short introspective write-up about myself at 4.00 AM. The girl who cannot wake up, no matter what, even at 6.30 AM, is so excited and so thrilled that she cannot stop writing. I am not concerned about my spellings, my grammar, anything. I am just typing away, writing anything and everything whatever is coming to my mind.

I am typing at a speed more than 80wpm which is much more than a professional typist speed. Is this what truly feels like being excited about something which you love?

Yes, I love writing, I always have. When I was in 6th standard, I wrote my first poem. When I was in the 10th standard, my first novel. I got my first story published when I was in 12th standard and then suddenly, everything was gone. It disappeared. Like it never existed.

Once I joined my engineering degree, I still wrote poems but my talent, my vigor, my enthusiasm for writing was gone. It was like I could not write. I never knew what happened, but I guess, Life happened!

And today, 10 years later, I am again writing like my life depended on it. I couldn’t sleep, because the words just kept on overflowing and I couldn’t switch on my computer fast enough to write it all. It’s like a piece of music waiting to flow from the fingers of a musician, or like a recipe waiting to be tasted from a chef's platter. It’s something which was bound to happen and I am Free Again.

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The heaven we made

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What is heaven made of?

There are people who think why should girls be given freedom? But little did they know that the world in which they are living is made have by the hard-working women who they blame for being out of the house all-time. 

Not all the girls get a chance to showcase their talent but the ones who get take the opportunity for lifetime achievement. Equally, we work to make the world better to be living in. So we need equal respect as well.

The girl is the same all that has a different version of her. Her efforts need to be appreciated and encouraged. 

The heaven everyone is trying to make is made by the women and man living in it and every heaven has an angel to fulfill their wish come true.

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SHE WARRIOR.

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The genre talks about every women's stand and affirmations to the society, all the pressures and obligations she handles and yet flourishes into being the best version of herself and making this society just the evolving ground to be.

Every person in this planet is just like a coin. The one which the world sees him as and the second what he be when all lights of this worldly power and act dissloves out and which he has to surrender to when he finally dozes off from and sees himself as. And truth be told, the inner you is always way much stronger than what you assume it to be. Similarly, we all see how a women who plays so many roles in daily lives yet is always the one to be rock solid and be the shoulder and also the support to be easily relied upon. All that the society sees is Oh, how is she so upfront?How can she be so ambitious, Oh, damn how is she so bold in her choices just so into herself and not caring about the norms and notions formed by the society? How can she have so much strength that she still has a heart to love people and still get new experiences out from every step she takes. How can she take decision all by herself and be so affirmed on fulfilling them no matter what. How can she have herself set as a priority rather than the obligations put on her. HOW? All that the society and people out there can think and percieve a woman is to be the noding head to every choices and decision taken by the man around her and think of ways to make her be relying upon them even in this 21st century. Whereas, if looked deep inside a woman is so much more than just to be taken as a liability in a family or so much more than just being taken as a commodity or a piece of art that you could just fix up to add up the beauty of your house. You would never know how a mother, a homemaker wakes up daily juggling in properly running errands in her household providing every member of the family with everything they ask for, whether it be the morning tea in hand of every person, taking care of the elderly, giving out the utmost care to all the kids and also providing them the morals so that they be the best version of themselves and if she is a working woman Oh, that just be another challenge for her because how can she step into a man's world, she must not be efficient enough to carry on her home, she must be purely lurking around money more than her family, she must be the one taking and swaying upon all the decisions in her household, her kids must be so on their own, totally being the ones losing morals because she is working out who at home will be there to look out on them. The kind of carrier choices we make certainly be the thing that get us defined in the society, we are taken as the ones who should be carrying on the family and bearing with all of it no matter how reck our personal lives tend to be, we are seen as the one to bare with all of it even if our partner is just incompetent to be seen as our half. All that we receive is why do you want to work, we are here working and getting you all that you want, why do you want to speak up you cetainly don't know anything about how this world runs so it's better you keep your opinions to yourself. Every women, everyone of us has always or will ultimately be the one facing it all one day. We are strong and they fear us because they know that we are super strong to deal with all the crappy and dual nature that this world has in store for us. They fear and want us to be strangled down in name of every societal norm or culture, but being strong and fighting up against all the rights and forces that belong to us is what has and will always define a woman and so, when I see or think of the world inside of me I see no particular being or You and I, I see all of us that make the word " Women" be what it is ment to be. 

"I think every strong woman in history has had to walk the similar path.

And I think its the strength and courage that causes the confusion and the fear,

why is she strong? Where does she get it from?

How can she still love? How can she still be laughing?

Where does this power come from? Where is she taking it?

Where is she going to use it?" 

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The World Inside of Me

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A lush green valley with HAPPY and successful corporate people enjoying sunsets (which, undoubtedly, is the most beautiful part of the day) every evening. A perfect world does exist (in my brain).

Well, this is who I am most of the days (read everyday), inventing a whole new world of oxymorons day in and day out. Women are called complex people for a reason, I guess. But complexity is an integral part of beauty. 

The beauty of a flower always subjugates the gentleness of simple leaves.

I am no different from the ladies making their mark out there. My brain is always finding new ways to fight patriarchy while being subordinated by the closest males in my lives. I want to stay away from all the beauty standards set by people since ages while at the same timr I'm eager to know what's new in the fashion industry. It's impossible for me to make a decision about the length of my hair when I visit a hair saloon. Just like any other person, I daydream of being productive while watching TV and using my mobile phone. I am the protagonist and the antagonist of my story (no other person can be).

Beliefs are what I am made of. They hold my scattered thoughts together. The minute my belief system sees me entering into a world of bizarre thoughts where I feel helpless, it immediately drives me homes to a safer place where everything might not be in the perfect place but I'd be grateful about my family, friends abd achievements (I believe, this is what life is about).

Whenever I see a "Mighty King" on the television infatuated by the sharpness of his sword, I always wonder what the other edge of it might hold. Maybe peace, tranquility and a lifetime of happiness. I forbid going to the extreme points because that is where the problem lies. And I never intend to be perfect but genuine. Trying to reach a middle ground is more of my thing.

Talking about extremities and excluding the digital world would not do justice to our beloved social media. Not a single person is a social media virgin now. We're all addicted to it. In fact, I am a fan of this digital world. And the one thing that I am in absolute love with these days is whatsapp status. One of my friends has "stars can't shine without darkness" as her status, which honestly is beautiful, but also a fact. So are we turning to facts these days to find our daily motivation? Are we comparing ourselves to the sstars of the universe or the legendary stars of our planet. I'll never find out. What I actually know is that our poor souls need a ray of hope to keep going. 

My thoughts are my only proof of my tiny presence in the vast world. Rational, raw, pure, anxious, whichever kind, I can proudly call them mine. They might distract me at times (to be honest, most of the time) but they're the most powerful gifts that I've ever received and I'll keep making my presence alive through them.

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THE WORLD INSIDE OF ME

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Well, I always used to ponder over the question, how the world would be if it would be like the one which is inside of me? The free me inside can wear whatever she wants, and she does whatever she wants to do. A place where the happy me, the emotional me, the romantic me, the foodie me, the melodrama-queen me, the oh I am the most beautiful me, the bookworm me, the painter me, the actual free me, all live together.

Well, I always used to ponder over the question, how the world would be if it would be like the one which is inside of me? This thought amuses me a lot, why? Let me take you to a little tour.

My friends call me crazy, not because I am one but because I like to live on my terms. I have many parts of me living inside, they grapple, they wrangle, sometimes it’s like there is a world war going on, but still, it feels great to be lost inside of me, in the world of my imagination.

There was one time when I wanted to explore nature, wanted to be alone for some time, wanted to go on in search of myself at a place far away from this crowd. But asking parents and getting a yes for a solo trip before marriage being a girl is a big task. So all I was left with was one option, sit back on the couch, close my eyes and dream of the place I always wanted to be in.

And there, when I closed my eyes, someone whispering in a sweet melodious voice, with those invisible hands took me somewhere deep inside of me, to a place where I could live forever, a site so peaceful and calm.

After a few moments of relaxation, I was suddenly awakened by another voice, “Ye kya pehen rakha hai, itni choti dress?”, “Ye kaise bethi ho?” , “Itni raat ko bahar kyu ghoom rahi ho?” Again, this brought me back to the real world. Well, most of you girls must be familiar with comments like these. If you could relate, there is always a fear of roaming alone at night, of wearing short dresses, who knows when one will get eve-teased or chased by some creeps standing on the street, around the shops or on bus stands or railway stations.

At least my world has no space for this. The free me doesn’t have to live in fear or by societal rules in there. It’s not like she can’t live like that in the real world, but because somewhere she is restricted by her own family and relatives, she gets judged whenever she does something which is against their or society’s will. After all, society’s happiness is what really matters. Who cares what she thinks?

So, for me if talking to boys and wearing clothes of my choice means I have a bad character then I am happy in my world. If having opinions in this male-chauvinist world means I don’t respect men, then I am happy in my world. If getting judged for every single thing I say then I am happy in my world.

In my world, I am free as a bird with dreams in the eyes, ready for the flight. I can make my own decisions, away from all these bleak promises. I can do all the crazy things of my choice, sit whatever way I like, eat whatever way I want to, without any restriction. The free me inside can wear whatever she wants, and she does whatever she wants to do. A place where the happy me, the emotional me, the romantic me, the foodie me, the melodrama-queen me, the oh I am the most beautiful me, the bookworm me, the painter me, the actual free me, all live together.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to live in a world like that where everyone is freely expressing their own unique talents, everyone is working in harmony, everyone is expressing love?




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