THE WORLD INSIDE OF ME

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Well, I always used to ponder over the question, how the world would be if it would be like the one which is inside of me? The free me inside can wear whatever she wants, and she does whatever she wants to do. A place where the happy me, the emotional me, the romantic me, the foodie me, the melodrama-queen me, the oh I am the most beautiful me, the bookworm me, the painter me, the actual free me, all live together.

Well, I always used to ponder over the question, how the world would be if it would be like the one which is inside of me? This thought amuses me a lot, why? Let me take you to a little tour.

My friends call me crazy, not because I am one but because I like to live on my terms. I have many parts of me living inside, they grapple, they wrangle, sometimes it’s like there is a world war going on, but still, it feels great to be lost inside of me, in the world of my imagination.

There was one time when I wanted to explore nature, wanted to be alone for some time, wanted to go on in search of myself at a place far away from this crowd. But asking parents and getting a yes for a solo trip before marriage being a girl is a big task. So all I was left with was one option, sit back on the couch, close my eyes and dream of the place I always wanted to be in.

And there, when I closed my eyes, someone whispering in a sweet melodious voice, with those invisible hands took me somewhere deep inside of me, to a place where I could live forever, a site so peaceful and calm.

After a few moments of relaxation, I was suddenly awakened by another voice, “Ye kya pehen rakha hai, itni choti dress?”, “Ye kaise bethi ho?” , “Itni raat ko bahar kyu ghoom rahi ho?” Again, this brought me back to the real world. Well, most of you girls must be familiar with comments like these. If you could relate, there is always a fear of roaming alone at night, of wearing short dresses, who knows when one will get eve-teased or chased by some creeps standing on the street, around the shops or on bus stands or railway stations.

At least my world has no space for this. The free me doesn’t have to live in fear or by societal rules in there. It’s not like she can’t live like that in the real world, but because somewhere she is restricted by her own family and relatives, she gets judged whenever she does something which is against their or society’s will. After all, society’s happiness is what really matters. Who cares what she thinks?

So, for me if talking to boys and wearing clothes of my choice means I have a bad character then I am happy in my world. If having opinions in this male-chauvinist world means I don’t respect men, then I am happy in my world. If getting judged for every single thing I say then I am happy in my world.

In my world, I am free as a bird with dreams in the eyes, ready for the flight. I can make my own decisions, away from all these bleak promises. I can do all the crazy things of my choice, sit whatever way I like, eat whatever way I want to, without any restriction. The free me inside can wear whatever she wants, and she does whatever she wants to do. A place where the happy me, the emotional me, the romantic me, the foodie me, the melodrama-queen me, the oh I am the most beautiful me, the bookworm me, the painter me, the actual free me, all live together.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to live in a world like that where everyone is freely expressing their own unique talents, everyone is working in harmony, everyone is expressing love?




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The World Inside of Me

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A lush green valley with HAPPY and successful corporate people enjoying sunsets (which, undoubtedly, is the most beautiful part of the day) every evening. A perfect world does exist (in my brain).

Well, this is who I am most of the days (read everyday), inventing a whole new world of oxymorons day in and day out. Women are called complex people for a reason, I guess. But complexity is an integral part of beauty. 

The beauty of a flower always subjugates the gentleness of simple leaves.

I am no different from the ladies making their mark out there. My brain is always finding new ways to fight patriarchy while being subordinated by the closest males in my lives. I want to stay away from all the beauty standards set by people since ages while at the same timr I'm eager to know what's new in the fashion industry. It's impossible for me to make a decision about the length of my hair when I visit a hair saloon. Just like any other person, I daydream of being productive while watching TV and using my mobile phone. I am the protagonist and the antagonist of my story (no other person can be).

Beliefs are what I am made of. They hold my scattered thoughts together. The minute my belief system sees me entering into a world of bizarre thoughts where I feel helpless, it immediately drives me homes to a safer place where everything might not be in the perfect place but I'd be grateful about my family, friends abd achievements (I believe, this is what life is about).

Whenever I see a "Mighty King" on the television infatuated by the sharpness of his sword, I always wonder what the other edge of it might hold. Maybe peace, tranquility and a lifetime of happiness. I forbid going to the extreme points because that is where the problem lies. And I never intend to be perfect but genuine. Trying to reach a middle ground is more of my thing.

Talking about extremities and excluding the digital world would not do justice to our beloved social media. Not a single person is a social media virgin now. We're all addicted to it. In fact, I am a fan of this digital world. And the one thing that I am in absolute love with these days is whatsapp status. One of my friends has "stars can't shine without darkness" as her status, which honestly is beautiful, but also a fact. So are we turning to facts these days to find our daily motivation? Are we comparing ourselves to the sstars of the universe or the legendary stars of our planet. I'll never find out. What I actually know is that our poor souls need a ray of hope to keep going. 

My thoughts are my only proof of my tiny presence in the vast world. Rational, raw, pure, anxious, whichever kind, I can proudly call them mine. They might distract me at times (to be honest, most of the time) but they're the most powerful gifts that I've ever received and I'll keep making my presence alive through them.

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SHE WARRIOR.

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The genre talks about every women's stand and affirmations to the society, all the pressures and obligations she handles and yet flourishes into being the best version of herself and making this society just the evolving ground to be.

Every person in this planet is just like a coin. The one which the world sees him as and the second what he be when all lights of this worldly power and act dissloves out and which he has to surrender to when he finally dozes off from and sees himself as. And truth be told, the inner you is always way much stronger than what you assume it to be. Similarly, we all see how a women who plays so many roles in daily lives yet is always the one to be rock solid and be the shoulder and also the support to be easily relied upon. All that the society sees is Oh, how is she so upfront?How can she be so ambitious, Oh, damn how is she so bold in her choices just so into herself and not caring about the norms and notions formed by the society? How can she have so much strength that she still has a heart to love people and still get new experiences out from every step she takes. How can she take decision all by herself and be so affirmed on fulfilling them no matter what. How can she have herself set as a priority rather than the obligations put on her. HOW? All that the society and people out there can think and percieve a woman is to be the noding head to every choices and decision taken by the man around her and think of ways to make her be relying upon them even in this 21st century. Whereas, if looked deep inside a woman is so much more than just to be taken as a liability in a family or so much more than just being taken as a commodity or a piece of art that you could just fix up to add up the beauty of your house. You would never know how a mother, a homemaker wakes up daily juggling in properly running errands in her household providing every member of the family with everything they ask for, whether it be the morning tea in hand of every person, taking care of the elderly, giving out the utmost care to all the kids and also providing them the morals so that they be the best version of themselves and if she is a working woman Oh, that just be another challenge for her because how can she step into a man's world, she must not be efficient enough to carry on her home, she must be purely lurking around money more than her family, she must be the one taking and swaying upon all the decisions in her household, her kids must be so on their own, totally being the ones losing morals because she is working out who at home will be there to look out on them. The kind of carrier choices we make certainly be the thing that get us defined in the society, we are taken as the ones who should be carrying on the family and bearing with all of it no matter how reck our personal lives tend to be, we are seen as the one to bare with all of it even if our partner is just incompetent to be seen as our half. All that we receive is why do you want to work, we are here working and getting you all that you want, why do you want to speak up you cetainly don't know anything about how this world runs so it's better you keep your opinions to yourself. Every women, everyone of us has always or will ultimately be the one facing it all one day. We are strong and they fear us because they know that we are super strong to deal with all the crappy and dual nature that this world has in store for us. They fear and want us to be strangled down in name of every societal norm or culture, but being strong and fighting up against all the rights and forces that belong to us is what has and will always define a woman and so, when I see or think of the world inside of me I see no particular being or You and I, I see all of us that make the word " Women" be what it is ment to be. 

"I think every strong woman in history has had to walk the similar path.

And I think its the strength and courage that causes the confusion and the fear,

why is she strong? Where does she get it from?

How can she still love? How can she still be laughing?

Where does this power come from? Where is she taking it?

Where is she going to use it?" 

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